Pass the saturated fat!

It's always a little awkward when people invite me over for dinner, because I have to come out of the vegetarian closet. Not that there's anything wrong with being a vegetarian, it’s just that I don't want new friends seeing it as my defining characteristic. And it's also like I'm saying: Oh thanks for offering to cook for me! However, you should know that I think half of what you eat is completely gross.

But at least gay people don't have to go on to describe exactly what they like to do in bed. Newly outed vegetarians do (in effect). You'd think that "vegetarian" would cover it: I'm a person who doesn't eat animals. I can see some confusion arising around eggs or even dairy, so I like to add, "oh, no, I'm not a weirdo vegan." But I shouldn't have to explain that I do not eat fish, chicken, or steak, even if it is really well-done.

I blame society. In the last ten years or so, it became trendy to be a vegetarian. So everyone jumped on the bandwagon, without actually changing their eating habits. The result? A definition expanded to include people who feel guilty about eating red meat, or people who eat "mostly" vegetables.

"Vegetarians" who are, in fact, omnivores, have confused even very literate, thoughtful people, such as my friend Kyle, (who co-founded a publishing company.) I was at his house for lunch Sunday, and he was extremely surprised that I did not eat fish. "But fish is healthy," he said. I had to explain that I do not care about healthy. Over the last few weeks I have largely subsisted on things like Stud Nurse's Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding. That dish is nutritionally equivalent to several Big Macs, but unless it actually includes Big Macs, it is well within my dietary guidelines.