Campaign-trail tales

In what context might you find yourself urinating on a suburban lawn? Why would you earmark several hours in the morning and evening to wave at rush-hour traffic? When would you spend an entire day camped out in front of a library, harassing passersby?

If you answered "while getting out the vote" then you must be an election pro, like me. I've worked on dozens of campaigns, and in the final few weeks all of them require volunteers to act like street people. This is equally true for dog-catcher races as it is for presidential campaigns. In fact, some of my most vagrant-y moments came while working for a certain Democratic presidential nominee a few years ago.

Myself and 700 other people were airlifted to South Florida, where we were tagged with hospital bracelets (stating our name, hotel and flight home) and armed with "remember to vote" door hangers. For a week, we'd get up at dawn and pile into vans, and some lady would drop us off two-at-a-time in random neighborhoods. It would be our job for the rest of the day to walk around, knock on doors, and talk to whoever was home.

That was pretty much no one, this particular trip, so my walking partner and I would write helpful notes on the door hangers ("Remember to vote Tuesday!") and be on our way. When necessary, we used bushes as bathrooms.

On a different campaign, in West Virginia, I recall many more people being home. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how many of them lived to see election day, as many dragged oxygen tanks on the long trip to their front door. I felt guilty making West Virginia residents travel all that way, gasping and choking, just for my cheerful reminder and door tag. But campaign workers had convinced me that bothering old people is the only way to win elections, so I kept it up--even after coming upon a house with several semi-conscious adults facing a television that was playing just static and snow. Sunburned and disoriented, I attempted to catch their attention and remind them to vote. One of the men made a snorting noise. I think he may have been laughing at me.