A new reason to hate airports

Express doesn’t mean, ‘quick’ anymore. Consider Outlook Express. The email program is no faster than Outlook regular. But it does have more viruses and fewer features.

Then there’s Pizza Hut Express. You get your pizza at a Pizza Hut Express in much the same timeframe as you would at a normal restaurant. But instead of serving large, custom-made pies, Pizza Hut Express offers tiny pizzas, which have been sitting under warming lamps for upwards of an hour. That’s because someone has attempted to shoehorn a restaurant into some sad airport corner, between Hudson News and one of those inexplicable Palm stores. (Who, on a layover, impulse-buys a PDA?)

I understand that space is at a premium, but I still think napkins are a resturant requirement. I’m looking at you, BWI Quiznos Express. Yesterday, the Quiznos counter lady did not hand me a napkin with my sandwich, and when I asked for one, she suggested that I fetch some paper towels from the bathroom.

I’m no marketing expert, but it seems to me that beloved chains should not allow such bastard brothers sully their good names. The now-defunct Dupont Circle Quiznos long ago seduced me with their hearty mushroom melts, smothered with guacamole. Why break my heart now with a veggie sub on burned bread that is missing both the mushrooms and guacamole?

I’m afraid this trend will continue, especially at airports where people approach food in a manner similar to castaways on a desert island. We aren’t sure when, if ever, we’ll get out of there, or when we’ll eat again, so we gladly consume bugs, sand, McDonalds, etc.